Sunday, 20 May 2012

Fwd: Slack

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Begin forwarded message:

From: Gareth Heaton <>
Date: 20 May 2012 16:42:08 GMT+01:00
Subject: Slack

After another sustained absence I finally get round to writing again.
If this blog were a plant it's leaves would be withered and dry, were it a child then I would certainly be writing this post from behind bars.
I think my last post was toward the end of 2011, we, as you will no doubt be aware, are deep into 2012 now and as of Wednesday I will only have 10 weeks left! That is it, 10 weeks.
And if truth be told I am
quite ready for this self imposed hiatus to end. I'm more than ready to get back into bed with ol'beery, if he'll have me.   
 About a 6 weeks ago it was  glorious weather and the streets round here were packed with boozers, they where all hanging round and... boozing. It looked like fun.
 Socialising isn't proving to be a challenge anymore, I can happily sit in the pub with a lime and soda and not really think about drinking, but occasionally, like when it's sunny, I start thinking about all those lovely beverages and it makes me a little exited!
Besides neglecting my loyal reader I have also shamefully neglected to thank those of you who have kindly taken your time to support me, particularly Buzoo who joined me in a month of abstinence back in February, well done mate, it was good to have you on board. Chris and Helen who selflessly decided to join me for a monumental 6 MONTHS, Beginning in January. I was very impressed to hear that they had decided to do that, there can't be long left for them, thank you very much and well done indeed! MSG and everyone in Chorley who attended the Matthew Lloyd invitational Grand Slam Darts Tournament, they raised a whopping £302 for the brain tumour research campaign! Well done and thank you! And not least of all thanks to everyone who has sponsored me from the beginning, your support is greatly appreciated! Ta!
In other news George and I have decided to head back up North. This decision has been a long time coming but come it did, so sadly September will see us leave Hove behind in search of undoubtedly colder (but not cooler) climes. I'm going to have to make full use of August now, seeing as it will be my last month with all the lovely people if Brighton.

Bye for nar

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Take me back

Remember me?
I know, I've been away on an extended break, I said I'd be right back but I got caught up. It was quite mad actually, I just decided that while I was out anyway that I might as well not bother going down the pub and while I wasn't at the pub I decided not to have a pint. You know the story, not having one pint leads to not having another pint and then not another and before you know it, it's Christmas and your not getting pissed all over the show, not waking up with less than perfect liver function and definitely not worrying about driving in the mornings.
But I'm back now, mainly due to my Mum, Paddy, Spank, Toby, Ryans and everyone else who's been commenting on the recent lack of posts. So thanks to you for encouraging me to reach for the quill again. And everyone else? What the jeff are you doing that's so important that your not checking this blog everyday? You want workin' on.
I would also like to thank everyone who has sponsored me too, so far the total is £616, there have been some very generous sponsors and I'm very grateful for every penny. Thank you all very much!
I also want to mention Ol' Spank at this point, in my last post (24th of August!) I mentioned that he had decided to join me for a month of abstinence in September. Well, he did join me and he raised £330! BRAVO!!! Well done cock!

So onto the topic of how this is actually going. Well... It's actually going pretty good! It's been 5 months now and I haven't once been tempted to have a drink, I have enjoyed the occasional smell of someones pint but that's pretty much it. I still sometimes buy wine for cooking and there are several bottles of spirits in the fridge but, surprisingly I've never been tempted. I'm quite astonished at how easy this actually is, it doesn't feel as though I've had to apply and great will power or summon some deep inner strength, just don't drink. Simple as that. Now if only I could apply the same logic to my habits of driving the wrong way down the motorway and setting fires in post box's I'd be a much better person.
As you can imagine I'm not particularly enthused about spending time down the pub at the moment, it's still quite alien to be ordering a brew or a lime and soda for George and for me. I often wonder what the barman or the other patrons think of me, sitting there with my non alcoholic beverage, I wonder if their judging me, do they think I'm on medication? An alcoholic on the wagon? Probably nothing, like I do if I see other people with a soft drink, who cares?
I did go on my works doo recently though, I dread the Christmas works doo. So much so I decided last year that I wouldn't go and probably wouldn't go on one again. The preparations for the Christmas doo kick off around September, with tales of how pissed everyone got last year, who shagged who, who fought who and who was fired as a result of their escapades. Once these anecdotes have been exaggerated and stretched and had every last drip of entertainment wrung from their limp humourless bodies, descisions are made in ernest about where we're going this year and "how we can top last year". Then after more than 3 months of planning the day of the doo arrives and everyone realises how shit it is going to be and how much they despises their colleagues. So, as alcohol is well know as a catalyst for having a good time everyone gets tre pissed. They argue, fight, disgrace themselves, get thrown out and so on. The morning of the return to work is particularly low on eye contact particularly high on rumours. Several people are absent from their posts, some never to return. As the days and weeks pass by and bruises heal, insults are forgotten and genital herpes clears up, everyone don's their rose tinted's and begins to reminisce about how wonderful a night they had and how great next year will be. FUCK OFF!!!

But at risk of making myself look like a tit who contradicts himself at every turn, I had a great time at my works doo this year! Mainly because my colleagues are my friends and I do choose to spend time with them outside work anyway, because I like them. We went for dinner at Jamie's Italian which was very nice, and very easy to enjoy without drink. Then......
We went to luck voice. If you haven't heard of that it's a Japanese style karaoke venue, not so easy to enjoy without drink. Or so I thought. In actual fact I had a great time, it maybe took me a little while longer to get up to the mic than it would have if I'd been drinking, but after half an hour I was loving it (if still a little self conscious) and to top it off I was absolutely sure when I woke up that I hadn't done anything sackable! Hurraahh!
Then came Christmas, my first dry Crimbo in? Probably 15 years. It was good though, we had a great time, I managed to stay awake all day Christmas day!

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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Comerade nĂºmero dos

Hello again!

I have some good news. As of the first of September my good buddy Anthony Houlihan will be joining me and committing to his very own month of abstinence! Well done Spanko! Although Spank is the the second volunteer he will be the first person undertake the challenge. I'm thinking of making him a General. I'll keep you posted on that! If you would like to help us raise money for the brain tumour research campaign you can sponsor Spank at
And my link should be at the top if this page
Thanks a lot to you Spank for getting involved, it's really appreciated mate. And a massive thanks again to everyone who's reading the blog and giving up their hard earned cash. The more I talk to people about this the more I here of others who's life's have been affected by brain tumours in similar ways, so please spread the word as I'm sure there are plenty more people out there who would be willing to donate.

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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

And the grovelling little bastard who wanted to be my mate

The devil on my shoulder at Toby and Debbie's wedding

Guilt free

16 days in and all is going well. I haven't faced any considerable challenges since the wedding. I've been to the pub a few times and had mates round but it seems to have sunk in that booze is off the menu. Occasionally I find myself walking home when a sudden thought pops into my head " It's been a while since I've had a drink, I'll just bob into mully's and grab a few bottles" and then as suddenly as it bobs in, it bobs right out again when I remember I'm nay drinking.
Due to the constant lack of money in my account buying beer always leads me into a battle with my conscience.
"Ooh, think I'm gonna get mi sen a few beers"
"you shouldn't do that mate, thought you were trying to get out yer overdraft?"
" only a few, a fiver at most"
" a fiver! Think of that ten times over + going out, it all adds up"
These thoughts last until the first sip is taken when they are instantly drowned. It's quite refreshing not to be battling conscience in that way for a change.

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Saturday, 13 August 2011


I've had a bit of time to mull it over now and you know what? It was absolutely fine, I still had a great night with all my mates, I didn't do anything I had to be worried about in the morning and I could remember that myself. I saved a tenner on the taxi by driving home and I felt great the next day, even had a swim and a sauna before breakfast! Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that this is preferable to a nice cold pint or a glass of red because to me it isn't, but I suppose it is preferable to being absolutely monstered and making a tit of myself.

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